thank u all for the support....another day and still in control...
Alcohol has been in my life for so long, I sometimes feel like the person I think I am may not exist??
I feel like I am a good person, except for the selfishness I feel when it comes to me choosing alcohol over all else....
I am now thinking that there is no good left in me and I have been fooling myself into thinking there is still a descent human being left in here.....the past several years have been a mirage, a fake smile--me pretending I am happy and living a good life, when I really know deep down it's a front....
I've allowed alcohol to ruin so much of my life--I feel like I don't even know who I am....
I'm so tired of pretending--and I am trying to find a way to prove to myself and loved ones that even though I am an alcoholic, I do care about more than myself/alcohol and that I am a good person, and I do want to live a better life, as the person I think I am, feel I am---but because of my actions is too hard to see?.....
How does one distinquish between one's true self, and the haunting alcoholic part?? Am I just this pathetic weak selfish little girl who chooses alcohol over everything--or am I a smart strong caring woman I know I am when I do not drink??