I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. I wish there were some magic wand that would make it all go away --- beLIEVE me I do, because I have a lot of experience in the "I hate you, why won't you love me" department and I would appreciate a little instant gratification on that score!!
But you're making a choice here: On the one hand is the relative freedom from guilt and the relatively easy financial situation of staying. On the other is the fact that your mother's choices are eating you alive and are poisoning you, ruining your days.
It's a miserable choice, but I've always found that it helps me work through terrible **** faster if I admit that I am choosing to stay in it. Doesn't make it easier - just makes the obstacle clear so I'm sure I'm trying to jump
the right one. There might be perfectly good reasons why I'm making that choice, but ultimately the responsibility to save myself lies in my own hands.
For me, a school system would not be a good enough reason to put myself through this kind of torture. Your daughter is not going to look back on this fifty years from now and think, "Thank god I was in that school system, it made me the success I am today." But she
may look back and tell others the story of how stressed, angry and unavailable her mother was for her childhood, and how long it took her to recover from that.
Counseling saved my life -- I went through three different ones and the third was a charm. I chose someone who had experience with children of addicts, and it made all the difference in my life. In my humble opinion, it is worth trying the same.....for your sake, and for your daughter's.
You will be okay. It's just a really tough patch of road, and my heart aches for you. But it doesn't have to last forever.
GL