I sat down and talked to my husband about things and he thinks we should stay. At least for a month or so.
I told him I wanted he and I to decide what was best for our family with no consideration for her whatsoever. I didn't want to stay to help her or out of guilt and I also didn't want to leave just because she's a pain in my a$$ or to get back at her or anything.
But...
I know she's trying to recover. I mean... she goes to all of her meetings and we are civil, but the resentment I feel for her is eating me up and that's my problem and not something I need to dump on her. But I'm not going to pretend the idea of leaving doesn't appeal to me only because I want to help her by not being around to hurt her.
Hell, I would LOVE to walk away and be fine. The idea of not having to deal with her is enough to fill me with this sense of euphoria and hope.
But my husband and I don't think we can afford our own place with the price of rent and all around here and there is no way I'm going to yank my daughter out of this excellent school system when she loves it like she does.
Life would be so nice if she would leave and move in with my grandmother or into a 1-bedroom apartment. But that's silly and I know it.
So it's not just about the fact my mom is an addict. I have enough s*** to think about without everything being about how she affects my life. I'm not sure how to weigh each one as far as importance. Is getting away from my mom more important than letting my dtr stay at the school she wants?
I'm tired of giving stuff up just because she's around and in trouble and dealing with her stupid drugs. Why can't SHE be the one to go for once? Why can't SHE sacrifice something for ONCE to let US heal instead of the other way around?
And I know this isn't the way I'm supposed to talk, but right now I don't care. I'm just p***ed off and "dealing" with it without exploding on everyone else is taking some time to work through.