Sandrawg, Lear2Live, luciddreamgirl:
Thank you so much for your comments. They are so helpful. I do feel fortunate to be out of the situation now...especially after reading so many of the posts on this forum from others. In many ways I feel a ton of relief not having to worry any longer...worry about the dishonesty (he would withhold information about big and small things), worry that he might relapse or hurt himself, worry that life as a responsible man might be too much for him. Often it was like dealing with a child...concerned that he might not sleep well (he was a major insomniac and if he was up for even an extra hour it would bother him intensively the whole next day, he had to take sleeping meds at night), that he might not be able to deal with responsibility after being in a school program for 6 years (he never worked a real 9-5 and depended on his family to subsidize his lifestyle), that he wasn't dealing with his emotions/depression well (he has several tantrums and recently was talking about some really bazaar topics/going on tangents), inability to set any boundaries with his inappropriate parents and his one other friend (he always put them first, before me and before him), and concern that he wasn't taking his sobriety seriously enough....he recently started drinking socially again, which was a real worry since he quit all substances once he cleaned up. *I'm painting a pretty grim picture here, which is not the entire story...he was a really tender and sensitive person in many of his deeds and ideas, and I think full of good intentions.
Lucid: What you say makes so much sense about him being "in love" when he was high and not dealing with sober reality/emotions - it's really hard to know the feelings he had were drug induced, but that does seem to ring true. Super disturbing to think drugs were at the core of our romance. Maybe that's what he meant by a lack of "emotional connection"..the high wasn't there anymore when the drugs were gone. I think the toughest part is the way he so quickly left...it was totally out of character and he deceptive, and I never thought he'd be the type of man that would do something like that to anyone, let alone me.
Lear2Live - I'm so sorry about your brother. It makes me so sad to read that story. That must be torture to go through and I'm so sorry that you and he had/have to experience that pain and sadness, especially for so many years...so much trauma for everyone, and having children involved even more difficult. I am going to look at some co-dependent resources to see if that might be applicable.
Sandrawg: your courage is an inspiration to me. Thank you for your words of encouragement.