ok 9.. I've read your posts, in both forums..and there's sure a sex theme goin' on.
Just like several people have said, sex is very different man to woman, person to person. I know when I was first in recovery, giving of myself that intimately was absolutely out of the question. What I had put myself through in active addiction was horrifying and traumatic. I hated myself. I lived with guilt, shame, and night terrors. Along my recovery path I learned how to care about myself, and eventually to love myself. Also along that path I had to put my recovery before anything and everyone, or I wouldn't have recovered. Selfish? Maybe.. but it saved my life and eventually my marriage.
Along the way had my husband kept going back to bedroom expectations of any sort, I think I would have been highly offended. How could he think that I could be that giving of my love, when I had just put myself through and endured absolute hell, almost to my demise? If he had guilted me into it, and sorry to be so crass, but that would have literally made me then feel like a roommate with a warm place to stick it. It sounds like you guys have MUCH MUCH bigger issues to work on as her recovery SLOWLY progresses than nookie.
This isn't the time, I dare say, to really care about your sex life of all things.. Her recovery may likely lead to a very healthy, well rounded person. Much more capable of giving and receiving love.. it's just too soon for that type of emotional intensity, at least I know it would have been for me.