I've waited to post on this thread, wanted to see where you were heading.
First of all, the title:
Won the battle (her drinking), lost the war (my family)
That is your first misconception. The 'battle' is not won! It is a reprieve. Your WIFE has a lot of HARD HARD WORK ahead of her, to garner the tools, to learn how TO LIVE SOBER, and she is still in the "Mush" stage in her brain. She is starting to have 'feelings' and 'emotions' surface that she can't even put a label on. And, sad to say, you cannot help her in this. The folks she is working with, who are also in recovery can.
They are the ones who can reassure her that what is going on is 'normal' for her length of recovery.
Drinking is but a 'symptom' of much deeper problems, and it takes the one in recovery time, lots of time, to figure those out. As to her libido or lack there of, it isn't just the anti D's. I don't know of too many folks in recovery that early in their recovery have much libido. Many times it is 'fear.' Not having sex or making love for many years, without booze, many in early recovery don't know how to act.
Your wife is doing good.
I get the feeling that in some ways, deep down, you think she is not drinking now, so everything should be just fine ................................... NOT.
There is a long road ahead for both of you, and I do believe if you tried some Al-Anon meetings they might help YOU.
Also, you might want to read Chapter 8 in the Big Book of AA:
Page 104
It is titled "To The Wives" but works well for husbands too.
I have seen your situation time and time again, with sponsees I have worked with over the years, and although you cannot make her drink, I can tell you that too much pressure will give her the excuse to drink. Not saying it will happen, however, I have seen it happen. (BTW, I do know a little bit about this, I have been sober and clean over 28 years and in Al-Anon over 25 years.)
Recovery is an ongoing life long job. It will be for you also. I will relate one particular couple that I know. Dorothy now has 31 years clean and sober and has Alzheimers. Her hubby Jerry has been in Al-Anon for 33 years. He will gladly share his ES&H to this day about Dorothy's first few years in recovery. His frustration, his not understanding, etc. Yet they both worked at it to the best of their ability. He still is with her, visits her every day at the facility she now has to live at, loves her more today than he did 'back then.'
So relationships can work, however, it takes great PATIENCE and TOLERANCE on both sides. They got help from their individual 'sponsors' through a lot of it, and at about 3 years or so into her recovery, did go to marriage counseling. I have seen just as many couples 'make it' and live good lives, as I have seen not make it, over these many years.
So ........................................ what are you willing to do for YOU to help out in easy some of the 'tension' I am sure your wife is feeling from you?
Remember, the "War" is never really won, ............................ this particular skirmish has been. However, with WORK, LOTS OF WORK on both your parts, there can be a TRUCE for the rest of your lives.
You see in both my recovery from Alcoholism and my recovery from being a Codie, I have:
"A daily reprieve, contingent on My Fit Spiritual Condition."
Hope the above didn't 'muddy' the waters further.
Love and hugs,