Thanks for all the advise folks, that's what I like about posting here even though i took a break from it for a while.
I gave her that letter and we spoke about it for a while. I asked very directly if there is anything in there that she feels is unfair or that she would dispute and she said no. To boil it down, I have been replaced by her group, she says as much. She asked if I resent that and I said that hell yea, I resent that. I said that ever since we were married we vowed to make each other the most important people in each others lives. She said that without sobriety she has nothing and it takes time but that's how it has to be. That's tough to argue with, especially if as presented it is either/or scenario of family commitment vs sobriety, but it still hurts to be left behind.
On the libido, she knows that she's definitely not in the mood but it's not a problem in her world because she never thinks about it. She's going to talk to her doctor, but she is aware of the problems of all of the anti-depressants have in this area and is not going to risk going off the medication. This is also tough to argue with, I mean if she needs anti-depressants she needs them, right? I did say that a sexless marriage is not acceptable to me so I hope we can figure something out.
So, the net results are that nothing is likely to change in the short term but I do feel better talking about it. I am not willing to live like this in the long term, but at least I put my frustrations on the table. Am I an ******* if we don't end up together because I demand that we put each other first and am we never have sex? Maybe. She actually asked me if having sex a couple of times a week would really make my life any better! I said a couple of times a week might be getting greedy, but once a week or even two weeks to have some time in the bedroom to reconnect as adults absolutely WOULD make my life a hell of a lot better, especially here at home. Her reaction was that she kind of doubted that, so I think she just doesn't get it (or maybe I don't, you guys and gals weigh in!).
So, that's where I am this morning. Any feedback, as always, would be appreciated.