Hi. I don't know what to say about your husband. That sounds weird to me for him to say that to you. Is he by chance a user of substances too?
You sound so much like you are going thru everything I have gone thru! I'll just give you my perspective. "2 addicted parents and an addicted brother" sounds to me like there could be some things you can learn at Al-anon. I come from a long list of family members with addictions, alcoholism, etc and Al-anon helped me. You are right, you should go for yourself, not for anyone else. If you want to go once or twice with your sisinlaw just to show her that you support her in her recovery, that couldn't hurt, right? But only you can decide if it's right for you. I think Al-anon recommends that you try at least like 5 different meetings or something before deciding whether or not Al-anon is right for you (because each and every one is different, each group has its own dynamic and personality).
Regarding groups and sharing with other people, I agree with you! I much prefer this web site than going to a meeting and having to face people. I do not even go out really because I am a homebody and I don't like being in crowds of people (phobia or something). It makes me very nervous and I'd rather go to the library and get like 20 books on a topic and read about it instead of talk to people. But, for weeks when I first started to go to Al-anon, I NEVER SAID A WORD! I never even said my name. I was such a mess, all I would do was sit there during their meetings and cry. and people were so nice to me. I even stank from not taking a shower and they were still nice to me! You can just go and listen and never say anything or share anything. They won't mind and they won't try to make you feel uncomfortable about it.
For the religion thing, I was the exact same way! I started going to Al-anon in let's see, 1997? I think it was 1997 so about 12 years ago. I never in my life believed in God, nor a higher power. But I went to Al-anon and got a lot of benefit from going, despite this. The 12 steps include Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
as we understood him. My understanding at that time was that I didn't know whether or not there was a God. So I never really worked Steps 2 and 3, but that didn't mean that I didn't get help from going to the meetings, and it didn't mean that I didn't learn anything. I learned a lot! Now, here I am 12 years later, FINALLY even understanding Steps 2 and 3! When you're ready you'll be ready and no one there will try to force you to do or accept anything you're not ready for. there are very few requirements, and you're not required to work the steps or even believe the steps.
So to answer your questions directly:
I don't think you will fake it. You will understand what I mean if you go. I got over the religious part by just ignoring it and not judging others because they were getting it, or because they believed. You don't have to work all the steps, nor do you have to work them in order. I didn't find that any Al-anon meetings were religious. They are mostly held in church basements and meeting rooms, not because they're religious, but probably because churches probably don't charge much or let you use the room for free.
Other people may have had other experiences with Al-Anon, so I'm not telling you what to do or anything. I'm just sharing my experience, and it happens to just be a positive one. One negative thing that I can share is that it seemed to me that folks seemed to get stuck a lot. I personally, (I know now it's probably because I have A.D.D.-just got diagnosed two years ago :O) anyway, what I was saying was that I personally used the program and learned the program and went to meetings, all actively for like 2 years, and then I had to move on. I didn't need the personal interaction so much but I did continue to work my program. I moved on from there to go to college and then traveled to Europe on my own and then I got a really good job-what I'm saying is that Al-anon got me started on a path towards doing things I never even dreamed of doing. And those things helped me to build confidence in myself that I never had before. Al-Anon didn't become my life or my religion, it became a
way of life and a way to realize things and see things I had never seen before.
It can't hurt for you to give it a try. Who knows, you may go and not like it. and that's OK.