I think I'd second what others have said about finding help for yourself so that you can hopefully feel better about you and the feelings/frustrations you have. I'm very much in your situation but it's my husband who's the alcoholic. I really can relate to your statement about feeling like the only times you got to see and hear your wife's thoughts/feelings were when she'd been drinking. The only time I've gotten any kind of genuine emotion from my husband is when he's been drinking and now that he's stopped he's just totally withdrawn. I wish I had advice for you-- I just wanted to tell you I can empathize.