Hey 9Iron,
My wife is 3 months out of treatment, and we are doing okay. The beginning was very hard because we both though that all of our problems are now solved as a result of her treatment. We quickly found out that this isn't the case.
I have to re-learn how to communicate with her. I was so used to doing it in a certain way when she was actively using, so I have to communicate like one adult to another. I'm not condemning, but just pointing out that you used wine as a communication tool before. I'm sure you also know that this tool is now out of your toolbox forever so to speak.
I think you have done a good job communicating what you need from your wife. Here's the kicker though. Just because you've communicated it doesn't mean she has to do it. I have found very quickly that once I feel that I've done a good job communicating something to my wife, I stop talking about it. I know that me further talking about it is my way to try to control her answer. Whether it is because of the pills or just truly her lack of desire, she doesn't want to have sex. There could be a GOOD reason out of this. Her desire to stay sober is so strong that she doesn't care about anything else right now. She could need sobriety like you and I need air. But guess what, who cares? How are you doing in your program? You can become better and not let her hurt you as long as you are focusing on yourself.
I can't talk about the fact you have kids, because my wife and I don't have children yet. I do know that adds a lot to your life. I hope there's some way you can leave them with a sitter or a friend while you go to a meeting or a counseling session. You're worth it.