This is not a battle for you to win or loose. This is your wifes struggle for sobriety, hopefully for her sake and the kids sake. A sober mother is a gift not to be taken for granted. You're fortunate that your wife appears to be taking her sobriety seriously. As much as you think you're getting screwed, I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat when I was in your shoes, my ex was not at all interested in working on sobriety.
It's hard to realize that no matter how much you want to, you can not fix this for her, you can not coerce with words, writings, or emotions the result you are looking for. It's not easy but it helps if you leave each battle where it belongs, you each have your own battle with yourselves to win first and foremost.