9iron what an honest letter, I hope you continue seeking al anon or al anon meetings online.
Its strange because I am living something similar but on the other side, my bf has very high libido and I do not feel like that a lot of times... it surely is a tough subject.
Perhaps its not that she disregards your desires, but more on the fact we women seek it when we feel OK and when we know we will enjoy it? I have done it just because someone else wants to and it always makes me feel empty..... also when I was on antidepressants I was totally miserable trying to sort myself out and I also reacted with hostility to any flattery, flirting or whatever from others... I was just not myself at that vulnerable time.
Perhaps as MeHandle suggested in another thread, what about trying a just kissing session? do you think she would be up to it? to me as a woman that is much more attractive when I feel down, some tender kisses, taking the hand of my partner, hugging... that makes me feel much more intimacy with my partner when I feel down and helps me realize my partner is also my friend, that he has stuck with me in good and bad moments, which leads to more appreciation for him thus adding the spark I need to enjoy our times together and wake up my desire
It sure seems a tough road but you keep moving forward, I like your sincerity...I wish I had more answers for you my friend