A lot of what you talk about was common for my experience too. Sounds like your wife is very early in recovery (which is for a lifetime, just to put things in perspective) and is getting the support she needs form her support group. I too had many "what about me" thoughts but the reality of her recovery was that my needs were not the priority and it was going to be that way for a while.
I think it's great you found a counselor that you like. Maybe you could each work on your own recoveries and down the road the two of you will grow to be more of a team. But for now individual work might be the most productive?