Originally Posted by
Crazy4Him 
LOL!!! We are dating the same man, I'm now completely convinced! My ex drinks and gambles all month. Every week he puts in a three teamer and loses. Every week. At the end of the month he never has enough money for rent. EVERY MONTH. At the end of every month he takes the last few dollars out of his drunken pocket and puts on a six teamer that has NO CHANCE of winning. Every month it hits, he wins and has just enough money for rent and bills. Every month. He has come so close to eviction on so many occasions I'm sure he could taste it, but he always wins those last chance bets. Insanity! The guy is LUCKY! Sometimes I'm tempted to plop him next to me at a craps table just so he can blow on the dice! He's also a chronic smoker (I've never smoked a day in my life) and I know I'll die of lung cancer long before he does because that's perfectly in keeping with the irony that has been my relationship with him!
I think they can admitt that they're alcoholics and still be in denial. My ex is well aware he is an alcoholic and admitted it regularly, telling me that he was "a sick man" and so on... I think the denial comes in once they start blaming you for their pain, their drinking, or their rapidly deteriorating lives. Denial is when they find fault with everyone and everything in life so they can justify their own unacceptable actions. At the tail end of my relationship my ex was going on about someone who he thought was a degenerate and I said, "Who DON'T you think is a degenerate?" Everyone in his life had been one at one point or another and I think it made him feel better to believe that he was above everyone. Sure, I drink a crap ton of beer every day, but everyone else is way crazier than ME so... Denial can manifest itself in so many different ways outside of them admitting "I'm an alcoholic".
I'm an alcoholic, but I can control it. I'm an alcoholic, but I'm holding a job and paying rent. I'm an alcoholic but you're worse because you're this, and you're that and blah blah blah. All denial.
At first I didn't think my ex was in denial because he was always taking about how bad his problem was, but he is very, very much in denial. I think when an alcoholic STOPS being in denial... is when they have finally hit bottom. It's the only time that their agony prevails over all and they're past the point of pretending it isn't there. But that can take a very long time. Not worth waiting around for if you ask me.
Its so true of my STBEXAH just before he left. Life it seemed was not exciting enough, we were all boring, he was fed up with everyone, but most especially me, who was blamed publicly for being all sorts of terrible things which made people look at me instead of his actions. My Ah when he left said "Im an alcoholic and thats not going to change" this was his reason for leaving me, (I didnt know all the hateful things he thought about me then, he hadnt said them to my face) he knew it had gone too far and he just didnt want to stop drinking. But his life had deteriorated especially as his drinking was much worse than I knew, he had gone straight back to his worst point before he gave up for 6 months and went to AA. Once he started again the decline was rapid, his behaviour unpleasant even to strangers and no-one was good enough. His arrogance had become incredible, so different from the man I met 7 years earlier although he was an alcoholic then, i just chose not to see it. He started drinking at 14 and at 43 he is a mess, but hes living the life he wants, with nothing, shrugs off all responsibilities even for his children who needed him in the UK..Oh I could go on, but yes it was all my fault and anyone else he thought might see through him....he tried very hard with lies and manipulation to be seen as the one who was ok in this marriage, it was my behaviour (a provoker) that needed to change. Im very angry about the things he said but I know they are all part of his denial, blame is so important, threats of abandonment were also an integral part of our married life, so when he did it last, it wasnt really a shock, I knew it was coming really and now he can never do it again. That is a relief. He also cannot blame me anymore as Im not in his life in any shape or form. Hugs Lilly