Hi olinda
Time will prove you took the best decision for yourself and your sanity. An alcoholic told me this when I was crying my heart out at an AA meeting.
My ex bf is like that as well - he is the luckiest guy in the world, whatever happens things magically appear for him. I believe he will outlive us all.
Its sad and no, you will never ever understand him so.. don't try... when I feel bad I remember the following
-alcoholism is chronic, so unless someone is serious about recovery, there will be relapses and a hellish rollercoaster
-alcoholism is progressive, we tend to think of what we lost but we also need to notice what DIDN'T HAPPEN... such as having accidents with them driving, emotional abuse that goes for years, physical abuse, going bankrupt... ups and downs.... becoming addicts ourselves...TONS of stress...
We got a new shot at happiness and a new shot to finding a partner that will be... a... PARTNER... not a child, or an adolescent... not an addict... someone healthier as we get healthier ourselves.
I am not sure if you got kids but I find some solace thinking my future kids will not have a selfish, irresponsible alcoholic as a father but someone who will be there for them too and who understands the concept of love, self love, family and affection. None of that seems to matter to an active alcoholic. Its normal to feel compassion but it is not fair to suffer a disease that is not ours.
We are free.
Hugs!!