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I've been lurking and reading for a few days. I'm a non-drinker who wound up with a raging alcoholic BF. I say "wound up" because oddly he is the only alcoholic or substance abuser I've ever known personally. At any rate -- wow. For the first time in my life, I feel literally RAVAGED by stress. You know how we say we're "stressed out" all the time -- I did too, but this experience (1.5 years) has brought me to my knees, and when I walked out last week I did so because I felt like I was literally going to collapse and die from the effects of the repeated cycles of pain, disappointment, anger, and sadness.
I don't know what I am going to do - I'm staying at my mother's house and he is at our place...drinking...while allegedly going to 2 meetings a day.
So, I'm pretty sure I'm done. I went into this quite unaware that he had a problem and have emerged quite convinced that he is hopeless.
I do have a specific question and I'm sure it sounds idiotic, but....I always read about alcoholics who deny that they have a problem, much less that they are alcoholics. ABF openly admits he is an alcoholic. He has been a drinker since age 14 and is now 43. Mid-way through, I thought that was salvation -- he admitted he was an alcoholic and he sought help (in the form of rehab). It's turned out it really doesn't matter what he admits, he won't stop drinking for more than 2 weeks. After physical detox, he gets cocky almost immediately -- he has the worst life coping skills I think I have ever seen in my life. Despite 30 years of problem drinking, despite all the many, many, horrible (you can imagine) consequences....after five days of sobriety he thinks he's "over" it. Um, he's been to probably 5 or 6 residential rehabs over his lifetime. In the past 6 months, he's "quit" about 25 times for periods ranging from 1 day to 2 weeks.
So, I guess acknowledging the problem isn't really all that important? Or is it like he realizes he is an alcoholic in the chemically dependent sense, but doesn't not realize the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings which are part and parcel of it?
I feel horrible. I have a stressful job (I work with developmentally disabled adults, writing behavior programs and supervising staff) , an elderly mother, and I just can't handle what feels like a gigantic vaccum sucking my soul and energy out 24/7. I feel like crying all the time recently.
Thanks to all of you for your honest and helpful posts which I've been reading for days.
O