WELCOME to SR! You have found a GREAT place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H). There is lots and lots of good information in the "sticky's" at the top of the forum.
I love this girl to death
Okay, if you say so. How about you take a nice 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle of it the long way and on one side put what you think you love about her, and on the other side put what you absolutely dislike about her? Then look at both sides very very carefully.
That just might help you see that what you 'love' about her is really what you would like her to be and not what she is.
Please try Al-Anon or counseling or a therapist for YOU. Not for how to 'fix' her, as I believe you know by now, you cannot.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,