Another way to look at it...
If someone did to my dd or ds (both only 8 right now), they would have a WORSE enemy in me than they would dd or ds. As parents, family - I feel that I will fiercely fight for/protect them. Ironically, being IN the situation, I've tolerated and allowed myself to give it chance after chance after chance. Which DOES involve and effect my kids. We all know that as parents we want the BEST for our kids. Most of the time that doesn't involve addiction.
What most of the world doesn't realize is how deep and messy addiction is. I've always said you never know what you will do in a situation until you are IN a situation. It's easy to shout out advice when the ball is not in your court. I was a t-ball coach for 2 years. I cannot throw a ball for the life of me, but I know the steps to take to teach someone to throw it.
I fully understand how you feel though. For me, when my family pushes too much, I go deeper into my codie ways and hide more about what's really going on with H's addiction. It's a double edged sword really.