Regrets
Well I've got 9 months of clean time.
It has not been a bed of roses. Still stuck with some negative feelings. I need a huge shot of self esteem I think that would be the ticket for full recovery.
I don't want to pick up drugs. There are times I miss them but don't miss the pain. I miss more than anything my self respect and the person I was before all the hell began. I wonder how long it takes to make the full recovery complete? How to forgive myself? I am a control freak. That is not helping and I am wistful for the old me yet I know that I have a greater understanding of what addiction is about and what others are dealing with that I never understood before. Addiction is so much more complicated than it looks on the surface. How many times my family and friends just told me to quit. Like I wish I could have just done so.
I have so much to be grateful for and thankful for and I am and yet I still have regrets about how it all worked out. One day it will be better. My thoughts are for all of us suffering mentally and emotionally to find peace and my thoughts are that one day it will be lifted and be better. Still reeling from all the consequences of my addiction.