You've asked some pretty tough questions in that post, and I believe the answers will weigh heavy on your heart. It is clear to me that as a mother you would fight hell itself to protect your children from harm. Now, I would never say your AH is devil. I would say that at the very minimum his behavior is a source of great stress for you and your children.
He has used every tactic in the book that I can think of to deflect his guilt in all this.
It all amounts to one big interpretive dance representative of his world changing around him, and he damn well doesn't like it! He's using all of the standard trappings, manipulating emotions, saying the kids are against him, calling you out as a Catholic, making the parents' concerns into some sort of judgement of him to express how all he wants to do in life is drink himself to death and to have you to run his life around him to his liking while he does it. That is my ABF's true nirvana, and when I sought recovery, he felt threatened and went through all the same crap. It's all a dance, round and round. Now my ABF continues to drink so he's too caught up in that to really go to the lengths that your AH is, but he'll get there if he tries to quit to keep me, believe me.
My only words of encouragement for you are to stop dancing with him. Stop answering his acusations. Stop responding to his anger. No matter how strong you feel with recovery, you are not strong enough to go the distance with a professional manipulator. He will wear you down. Save your strength for your children and for your recovery. Let him dance around you and wear himself out.
Alice