I'm not sure I'm totally following here, but I had a conversation with a coworker today that opened my eyes like I wouldn't believe. It's funny how one conversation, or posting on a message board can really have an impact.
I was telling my coworker about my situation as she had heard through the grapevine that I was going through a breakup. I told her that he never treated us bad, or hit us, or insulted us. That he held a job and paid the bills. Then I told her about the alcoholism.
So she said to me, "what exactly was so great about him?". So I said to her, "what I just told you, he was good to us and all that he did was drink to much". So then she said to me, "But Sarah, those are things he is SUPPOSED to do."
It took me a minute to understand, but what she was trying to say is that, as a codependent, I accepting the "normal" things boyfriends do, as above and beyond. ANY man should treat me kindly, and hold down a job, and do basic things around the house. These things aren't anything special. So why am I viewing him as some superior man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, even though he drank too much and most of the time blamed ME for doing so. I am a good enough person to go out and find a someone who will do these "normal" things AND love me enough to NOT drink and NOT blame me for things that are not within my control.
Once you realize that you have self value, you can move on and find someone who is truly good for you. You will start seeing that you do not deserve these things that the A's do.
Please realize that a "darling" here and a kiss there, are NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! You deserve so much better and the easy route may seem easier, but in the long run, it is not.