I feel your pain. If only our love and our desire for a new beginning could actually make a difference. I felt like my AH and I started over every month. I would forgive him and do all I could to give him hope - ah, if only he had enough hope and enough forgiveness -this would all stop. And how joyous it felt to have one of those 24 hours of bliss...I used to always say, When it is good with him - it is REALLY good, but when it is bad - it is REALLY bad.
I am so sorry that you have had this pain again. I am really struck by your remark about feeling your own anger. It is so easy to forget to do that when the addict in our life hurts us. Feel the anger. A great lesson for me today as well. Thank you.
I hope today we can all find something kind to do for ourselves. It is so easy to give to everyone but us, isnt it? It is time to be a true friend, a true believer, and a protector for ourselves.