Hi Sarah I am glad you found SR, this is a great place full of ppl that understand 100% how you feel
This guy sounds a lot like an ex ah bf, it is astonishing they all read the same script... he is also God's answer to Security in IT LOL
I too drank with him at first, thinking he was like me (a social drinker).
It is SO heartbreaking when you start noticing the guy gives alcohol much more importance and keeps on doing it. Its like... YOU SEE HOW IT AFFECTS OUR RELATION, HOW IT AFFECTS ME... AND YOU STILL PREFER YOUR DAMN WHISKEY??? I was totally heartbroken and shocked!
2 weeks after the breakup ex ah bf was with a new girl that drinks more than him at age 23. No easy feat.
It is very difficult, to reconcile those two ppl, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. It does not make any sense.
Especially, what hurt me a lot, was that there was no time to swallow the hard pills. One day I was "the woman he loved" "the best thing that have happened to him" and I was really into him - then he started insulting me and verbally abusing, apologizing with tears (man are they great actors!!), promising it would not happen again and it DID happen again and again.. By the 3rd time I was done and left. Soon afterwards he was parading the new girl (enabler of his addiction) in our office and with common friends and bringing her to company events, etc. etc I thought I was going mad with sadness, it was a nightmare!!
Sometimes it still is... but it gets better. Fast forward 9 months... reading about alcoholism, attending some AA meetings... reading here in SR has helped me see that is the "modus operandi" of ACTIVE ALCOHOLICS. That he is nothing special. He just does what AHs do. Use people. Deny their illness. The nice guy, the good moments are gone and won't come back. Its OK to mourn that loss, the loss of the dreams.
This disease is too powerful, but know you did nothing wrong, it was not your job to prevent this... and when you realized there was a deep problem you LEFT... something that is not EASY so good for you for looking after your dear son and yourself.
It gets better as you understand these are diseased people that won't get better until they lose family, friends, jobs, homes, cars, health.. and even then... many people die without admitting they had any problem. It is a sad disease. You can do NOTHING to help. An AA member told me when I felt guilt, that I had done the only thing I could: hold his hand. That is all.
Take care, you did the best thing you could do, leave the madness before it affected your son or you... you both deserve a healthy loving atmosphere and joy. An active AH only knows how to destroy.
You are not alone\
Sandra