Hi Sarah,
Your story reminds me of what I'm going through. It's so hard to reconcile my memories of a loving partner with the person who acts like they couldn't care less. I still sometimes torture myself by thinking that underneath it all my AW still cares about me but just has so much pain and self-loathing that she can't stand to see me. That makes me feel better for a bit but the problem is that it doesn't help me move on and get healthier because I'm trying to think of ways to get to the feelings I think are hidden underneath.
I'm trying to just accept the fact that whether she still loves me or not, she is not "loving" to me and I have no control of that. It's been a few months for me and it still hurts a little to think about, but it's better than it was and gets a little better every week. I guess that's not advice, but maybe it will help to know that it can get better.