Thank you all. I cried at each of these posts so far. You all are so right and I know deep down in my heart that you are. But I just can't help missing him. The real him. The him that doesn't drink!
Our relationship started out with drinking. But for the first three months, I drank with him also. Of course three months in, I was fed up with the hangovers. I quit to start focusing on making a life with him. He never did. He's a binge drinker. The binging occurred every time he went out with his friends and 4 times a week or so at home. He has no control over himself. He would begin drinking and not stop until he passed out. He frequently would not remember the night before. He would drive drunk constantly.
But he held down a full time job. he went through 3 jobs since we were together. He has this complex that he's god's gift to IT. His first job he got fired from for being late. He would stay up late drinking, sleep in and show up late. The second job led to his third job as he was working for a contracted company. Now he's making lots of money for an insurance company. How he keeps his job, I do not know. He doesn't show up until 10 or 11 o'clock every day. It doesn't effect his money any because he is salary. He works from home sometimes and when he does, he's drinking the whole time. I have heard him on conferance calls where he is slurring his speech. But he just works right through it! I don't get it. Are these people blind??
I'm scared for him I guess. I want him to hit rock bottom, but at the same time I know how secretly depressed he is. His alcohol is self medication. He went on perscribed depression pills for 2 weeks. That was the BEST two weeks ever! He was pleasent, not easily annoyed and showed so much love for my son and I. Then one day, He decided the pills were not as good as the booze. So he started right back up again.
Then when I threatened to leave the first time, he told me he would stop. He was so irritated with it that he replaced the alcohol with weed. This was a big no go for me because I'm a 911 dispatcher and can't have any of that arround me. I don't agree with it and didn't want it in the house. He told me he would buy just a little so he could quit drinking easier. It would only be temporary. How wrong was I?? He started smoking it EVERY day. I gave another ultimatum and he again tried quitting both. Within a month he was back to the drinking AND smoking weed on top of it. That was when I knew I had to get out. I realized that it would never get better until something drastic happened. Well apparently it will never get better.
Sorry to type so much. It feels good just to tell my story. Thanks for welcoming me so warmly. I will definatly be sticking around for awhile.
Light and Love,
Sarah