(((((Sarah)))))
Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H).
Give Love has some excellent advice.
I can't seem to come to grips that the alcohol was more important than me. Thats the way he's treating it anyways.
Sad to say he does. I can tell you that as my alcoholism progressed KING ALCOHOL became MY MASTER. Nothing else mattered, and I sure didn't love myself, so was really incapable of loving someone else.
It might be best for you, for now, to go NO CONTACT. NC will allow you to work on you. No matter what you text him, or say to him, or email, he WILL NOT hear it. He is living in his own reality, fa from the real world.
Please for you and the little one, step back for a bit, go NC, start working on you through Al-Anon and one on one counseling if need be.
Alcoholics are manipulatos, liars, abusers of other peoples emotions and finances. I know, during my 'practicing' yeas I was too. Alcoholics can seel refrigerators to Eskimos that live in igloos. They slip and slide and crate drama to take the focus off of them.
I know you hurt right now. I want you to know though that by removing yourself and that young man of yours from the situation, you have done the very best thing you could do for your son and yourself!!!!
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care so much. You can vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh.
Many of us have been where you are now. We are here for you!
Love and hugs,