luciddreamrgrl

Hi there,

I am new to this forum. I hope it will help being here as I have been through a lot in the last week and a half.

As you all may have guessed I am the girlfriend (ex girlfriend at the moment) of an alcoholic. I was with him for 2 years. He was never abusive verbally or physically. He just constantly made poor choices due to alcohol and weed. It became a toll on my life. I loved him. He loved me. Everything was good except for the alcohol. (I know you have heard this many times) I have a 5 year old son and eventually I started realizing that I can't raise my son like this. Even though he would never abuse him, he was especially hard on him. He would become very agitated when he didn't drink, and then would be very annoyed with my son. So anyways, 1 and a half weeks ago I decided to leave. I figured if he saw what he would lose, it may prompt him to get help.

However this has seemed to backfire on me. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and is not begging me back which is so common among alcoholics. Sometimes he gives me blips about breaking his heart and wanting pictures of us back. But other than that, he says nothing when I text him about the reasons that I left.

I know that, according to al anon, you should not leave to get them to get help. That you should leave only for your own sanity. That you should use the time away to work on yourself. I have been trying very hard to do this, but I can't seem to come to grips that the alcohol was more important than me. Thats the way he's treating it anyways. I find myself utterly depressed and lonely. I feel shafted. Like the last two years meant nothing. We had previously spoken about marriage and having children. He seemed so in love with me and I in love with him.

So I was wondering if anyone here has had the same thing happen to them? How did you cope with loss and finding out that you weren't loved as much as you thought? Will things change? Will he ever get the help that he needs and come back? Or should I just give up all hope?

I really am trying to work on myself. I got my own place, pay my own bills and take care of my son the best that I can. I planned this all about two weeks prior to leaving. I know what I want, but the prospect of dating someone else almost seems like cheating to me. Even though we are broken up. I didn't leave him because I didn't love him. I left him because I do! I want him to get help.

I'm so sad.

Sarah