Dear Hopeful, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of you going to an AA meeting. I realize that the program doesn't work for everyone, but most of those that it doesn't work for never gave it a chance. You are an alcoholic with 3 children. Continuing to drink will only cause bad things to happen, and I'm too tired to go into them tonight. So please just take my word for it for now. And in all my years of drinking and being sober I've never seen anything good happen to anyone because they drank. So please, get to a meeting. I know you have a job and responsibilities toward your children, but I think if you want to badly enough, you'll find a way to get there. Books, hypnosis, homeopathic remedies, vitamins, etc etc are all well and good, but they will not provide you with a program that will enable you to achieve and maintain sobriety. AA has saved thousands of lives, and I'm one of them. Give it a chance, I think you'll be glad you did.