Ok but don't rush anything in
that department martha!
"Before you can save the world you must first save yourself"
I'm probably wording it wrong, I don't know who wrote it so I cannot give credit to the original author.
Still, I should be following my own advice but sometimes when people need you, you just have to be there for them and put your own issues aside, no matter what stage of recovery you're at.
I had a similar experience with a close friend dying unexpectedly. Unfortunately I didn't use the experience as well as you are. I continued on my reckless path for several more years, but I have always felt that somehow he is there looking down on me, waiting for me to get it right. Understand this is from a guy who doesn't believe in heaven or hell or even God, with a capital G!! But like you, I still felt it.
I am so happy you still feel connected to the spiritual world in some way. It's phenomenal isn't it? I used to be an atheist, now things have changed a little and I can see the changes will continue.
We all need a guardian angel to help us in our recovery. Someone to turn to when things are sh!te, someone to watch over us and help guide us, someone who will be there waiting for us when we reach our final destination - in this life. If you believe in the afterlife, which I do .. now.