You know, Trish, it's a tough call and a tough deal. Looking back at my life and early drinking, from a recovered perspective, I believe that I would have been best served by paying dearly for my actions a lot earlier in life. I really didn't suffer consequences that I couldn't live with until my alcoholism was full blown. And by then, all the consequences in the world couldn't make me stop.
From what I see around me, based on working with a fair number of alcoholics, the alcoholic is best served by strict boundaries and harsh consequences. I was giving a guy a ride back to the homeless shelter the other night. His folks had kicked him out last year, he got serious about recovery, started the steps, and his folks let him come back home. Within a couple of months, he was lying and using again. Out he went. And back into recovery he went. His dad told me, "Well, J was doing pretty well when he was staying at the shelter."
I've got another guy I'm working with in a pretty similar situation. His dad is ready to give him the boot and say good luck.
Originally Posted by
chiynita 
But I see why some need to let go for their own sanity. I wouldnt want to deliberately drag soemone down with me and make them miserable too.
I don't think it's about letting go for their own sanity, although I'm sure that's a valid reason. You see, both the dads I'm talking about are recovered alcoholics. They know what is in the best interest of their sons from the alcoholic perspective. So they do the loving thing and let them dangle.