new here - he's physically sick but also a drinker
I just want to throw my story out there and see if anyone else is in my position... I just don't know what to do.
My boyfriend of 6 years is a drinker. I don't know if he's addicted or dependent on booze but he's got a problem. I love him with all my heart and constantly do anything I can to help him. I give him all of myself because that's my personality, that's how I work with loved ones. The past year he's been suffering with mysterious health issues. Many doctors, many tests, and a year later we still don't know what's wrong with him. I try to help him and I take care of him on his bad days. I'm the only one who really believes how sick he is. Unfortunately he turned to drinking. Now that he's discovered that a few beers makes him feel less sick he's openned a constant gateway to having things get out of control. His addiction/dependence takes over. I've been hurt by this, badly, on a few occasions.
Thankfully he's recognized he needs to change and is planning on entering a program. I think it's wonderful but am of course waiting to see if he actually does it (and actually follows the program). My problem is I'm trying to balance this fine line between what I can handle, which seems to be a common theme in these threads, and my desire to keep loving him and supporting him.
He's sick and we are both scared to find out why. I want to be there for him... but his sickness is tied so close to the drinking, and I want to be away from there. If he wasn't sick I'd back off and wait until he made changes before I entered his life again fully. After suffering a year of depression I've made great steps to focus on thinking of what's best for me. But to leave him now, when he may find out news that he needs major surgery, I just can't.
How does one balance being there for his health and at the same time distances to avoid being a victim of his drinking? How do I separate his need for support with his health from the traps of supporting an alcoholic?