I thought that my ex, who had allegedly done the steps before and was over 2 years without a drink.. going to two meetings a week.. and got himself a sponsor, was in recovery. Then little things started to creep back in.. slowly and surely. I wondered whether he was really committed to not only not drinking but even more importantly doing his moral inventory, admitting the exact nature of his wrongs, being ready to let the defects of character go and humbly asking his HP to remove his shortcomings. I wondered whether this would ever change.. was right now really it.
I knew he hadn't even truly got on the first rung of the ladder when he constantly took my inventory, pointed out my defects of character and yet seemingly had none of his own.. and the lightbulb.. when he mocked that I had come to accept and believe that there was a power greater than mine and that I had turned my will and my life over to it/the HP/Universe/whatever you would call it and its care. He laughed at me and mocked me. By doing so he laughed at and mocked the very foundations of the programme he was supposed to be working.
I remember once suggesting my ex explore therapy as a way of looking at way lay beneath. He did go for three sessions and then said he didn't need it and he only needed AA. I probably knew then it was doomed. It's not going to get better until he wants to get better and takes steps to make it better.. until he reaches out and says I don't want to do this anymore I need help. Meanwhile it is going to chip away at you.
Sorry... I just read your latest post where you say you are getting support/help. Good for you for getting support through counselling and Al-anon.. keep going back.