I've found out that being in a programme of recovery does not mean the A is in recovery. I was completely unprepared for that fact. I wasn't in Al-anon at that time nor individual counselling and in my naivety I thought that if someone wasn't drinking and was going to regular meetings and got themselves a sponsor that it meant they were 'doing' recovery. That kept me in an unhealthy situation for a lot longer than I should have been.. the naive idea that the way the ex was was par for the course and eventually he and it would be better. Patience in these instances is not virtuous.
I know now that being sober and emotionally healthy is much more than not picking up a drink. Al-anons have told me this, Alcoholics have told me this.. it's pretty much universal thinking.
But that's not for you to take on board.. you haven't caused this, you can't change him and you certainly can't cure him. I would recommend attending Al-anon and maybe getting some individual therapy. Time to put the focus back on you. :ghug