tooblue,
I am dealing with the same issues. If you follow my posts you will see alot of answers from wise souls. IMHO there are two issues going on with my recovering husband. First is PAWS or post alcohol withdrawal symptoms, which unfortunately can last for a long time. Second, is that it's been pointed out to me that he is in recovery but not DOING recovery. The really hard get in your soul kind of step work.
My alanon group says that you will know how his recovery is going when you see changes in his BEHAVIOR.
Even on that note, there will be a time when he addresses issues with such clarity and I think "Oh, he is getting it!" An hour later he is a skunk. It's like a roller coaster. Makes me glad he moved out so as not to be around the very social neighborhood we live in...and ME of course, since this is all MY fault.
I feel for you, let's stick together. If you can't find my PAWS post, just google it, and/or I think it's a sticky on the alcoholism or new to recovery forums.