Give Love, I'm having so much trouble accepting the fact that the cocoon blew away in the wind....can't I build another one real quick and fix everything like I used to. Be careful what you wish for.......but I realize that the best might be yet to come. It was all so sudden, just in January we were making plans to celebrate our 25th.
Unfortunately, my family is far away. I have less friends than I thought I did, but two good ones that have stuck with me, albeit one because she is going through a divorce also. I can't believe how many people book when they see you aren't your chipper little positive self. I don't wear people out with woes, but I even have some friends that backed off without calling when they heard of my husband leaving. Funny, it wasn't choosing sides, he had no friends as he was in the antisocial phase of illness.
Alice, I still have one at home who wears me out driving to all his events, and with work, a too big house, I have little time or energy to give anymore of myself. You know, after giving for so many years I just want to "be" but it feels so strange to me.
I also think that when you are the product of emotional abuse you feel like you're the damaged one....all the collusion and illusion and of course the two of them ganging up and sometimes dragging the boys into it. So when I read about people that go "no contact" and I'm that person in half my family, I start to feel like maybe I really AM the problem. But when I do my inventory, I realize that my sin was being too accomodating, doing too much for them, but all in good intention. I didn't deceive, or engage covertly or manipulate. It's just when you have been bullied into believing that YOU are the crazy one, it's hard to believe that you are not.
Still, I do believe that one day, when they both mature, there might be a shot at a meaningful relationship.
Thanks for responding. It's nice to know you are out there.