Welcome to SR.. :ghug
I'm sorry for your pain AuDigger. As MissFixit said.. some As cheat, others do not.. some As are violent, some are not.. some As find true recovery, others do not.
Again I agree with MissFixit.. some As do have blackouts and have no idea what they are doing, but then there are also some who once their inhibitions are lowered will do exactly what they want to do and others who are stone cold sober and still behave appallingly.
Quite often alcohol is not the only problem... and abstinence does not equal recovery. It's a long road figuring out where your A falls in all these differences and similarities and who they are.
What do you, AuDigger, want?