I too have tired of the warden role Winnie, and have a set up with my son (just turned 24) that might not work for others...but we're making steps in the right direction.
I tried everything when he was younger, but it seemed that the more I laid down the rules, the more I felt I needed to police the home. I know I had every right to enforce those rules, but it was taking its toll on me. He's relapsed hard since (after a few years of doing well) but this time around I protect my sanity and my "space" and try to leave his actions/consequences to him. He's doing OK...not perfect, but OK, and I feel much more at peace.
I'm not sure there's one answer to every scenraio, but I'm comfortable with things as they are at the moment, and know I have the right to adjust if need be down the road.
I wish you the very best (((Winnie)))