Well..Today was a little better. Pain wise and how I felt.
Not much but a little. Me and the grams were at it again today. Talking to her sometimes is so aggravating.
And I feel bad after because its alot on my part. I get really impatient with her. I act like she can read minds and I just expect alot from her.
I think what it is os that she is 70 yrs old. I am use to her being sharp and on top of it all.
She just cant do it anymore. I dont know WTF my problem is. But I should be more sensitive to her. More understanding and taking care of her.
But for some reaosn I get ragin mad sometimes, I dont know if I really am an ungrateful POS. Or I cant cope with her aging and elderly fumbles.
I dont like how I am reacting to it..I know that.
I do act like a total ass to her sometimes over dumb stuff.
I am not proud of it. I just dont know why.
I try often to catch myself and take it easy.
I am goin to regret beion like this when she is gone.
I know it.
I would literally hurt someone real bad if they ever treated my gram like I do sometimes.
So disrespectful and degrading at times.
I am an awful awful person.
I dont know why I only get like that with her.
I hate that I am like that. She deserves way better. She has done nothing but stand by me through it all. And she is the only one who has an always will.
If it wasnt for her. I would have been an orphan or dead when I was a baby.
And the **** I have put her through and she still loves me unconditionally. She never judges me. And she always do anything she could for me. She will go without if she can help me.
So WTF is MY PROBLEM??
I hate myself for being that way.
I really do.
I just dont know why I get like that.