Truth - my ten year old has had a major crush on this girl for nearly 3 years. They were in a play together and they played husband/wife. He was OVER THE MOON! Anyway - he told me last night that he is going to be her SECOND husband! Oh boy!
Anywho - I totally relate to so much of this. If I look at my second marriage - as a fairy tale - him "rescuing" me from the EXAH...... and la la la from there. But the thing is.... we divorced. And his parting words were..... "If only I was problematic or had an addiction or something of the like - you probably would have loved me as much as I loved you." OUCH!!!!!!!!!!
And NOW.... with my guy - when things aren't revolving around addiction .... I do find myself looking for the chaos. It's as though - serenity begins and I fight it!
I don't know- I think keeping the walls up so that we can truly love ourselves and then feeling inner security to let them down - is where it is. I tend to pre-maturely let those walls down. Or I'm looking outward for me to feel good about myself- but it HAS to come from within.
Good thread.
Anvil - what you wrote - is the place I want to be.