Originally Posted by
bluejay6 
Another nightowl here, to send you a hug and to tell you I do know what you mean.....
I notice you didn't have any "solitary" time between the pink-haired first H and the recovering (mostly) second H. When you describe second AH as someone who was protective of you, good to your son, and a shelter in the storm you were living, I thought, "Well, of course she would love him. He is doing loving things and is a lovable man."
We were up late last night!
You're right - I didn't take anytime to deal with what I'd been through. I got caught up in the moment, caught up with love/lust/being treated better than I had been. I knew nothing of addiction or where it could lead. I just didn't want to blow a chance with someone who I thought was perfect. And he was pretty wonderful for a while there.
For a while I kind of felt indebted to him for helping me through that time. I know that staying because I feel like I owe him something is a mistake.
Had I taken my time to heal, learned more about myself, and gotten to know him better, I may have made different choices. I may not have. Who knows. But I do think that this will come down to a choice.....I will have to recommit to the marriage or I will need to walk away. And this is only if he stays off the pills and finds recovery again.
Thanks Bluejay. You sound like you've done much in the way of your own growth and I hope you find someone to share that with.
