Tommy, I know that if I decide to pick up I'm going to no matter who I call. I just know me. However, if I wait and I'm thinking about it and I don't pick up the phone and share what's going on in my head before I get to that point even then I'm making the decision way ahead of time. I totally believe that "your relapse begins way before you pick up", because I know I think about it, especially when I'm going through a rough spot in life. So I pick up the phone THEN!!! I call my sponsor and tell her I want to get drunk, I tell my girlfriends where my head is, I let everyone I know who cares where I am at and that way I have made myself accountable. I think it's all the disease. It's been said that it affects us psychologically so I go with that. If that is the case, then I have to do what I have been "suggested" I do when I start thinking about picking up.
I don't know if that makes sense to you, but for me it does. I still have a choice, I can either run with what my head is telling me or I believe in myself, know I deserve better than to go down that road and do what the people before me have told me I should do. It is part of the disease.