At each others throats
I really need to get out on my own.
The more I stay here.The more I feel the need to just get away from her.
We get on each others nerves. She pisses me off and I **** her off.
All we have been doin is arguing and bumpin heads. Its both our faults.
I couldnt pay for a place on my own. I know I couldnt. I have never been on my own before.
And she could pay the rent and thats about it.
I need to stop feeling like I am stuck here.
In reality we do need each other. Financially as well as just because thats how we have been forever.
But I am on my last nerve right now.
ALot of my problem is my fault. Its my own judgmental and critical thiniking and talking thats getting me upset.
And for her its me being that way too.
I am mostly to blame. I will admit it.
Thats why when I say I need a change in my life. I do need one bad.
I need to get outside my comfort zone.
And especially before it happens without it being my choice.
I dont need or want to be thrown into the world unprepared and with no knowledge or skills to survive on my own.
Right now I am just stayin in my room. Cause if we yell at each other one more time. I am goin to lose it.
But again. Like I said. It is mostly my fault. My defects.
I need help. I really do.
I wish there were more ways readliy available besides meetings.
I feel like punching stuff today. And on top of strugglin real bad with urges.
I am a hot mess right now.
Just needed to get that off my chest.
I hate beng super useless like I am right now. Helpless and cant move.
I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am just complaining. Complaining for no good reason when there are solutions.
Right now I just need to vent.
Any suggestions on how to calm down and get help other than 12 step and meetings would be great. I can take it all ways.
Just always be real with me. I know I have alot to work on. I will say it first. I have alot to do and seems like I am not looking in the right places if at all for the solution.
I dont know what to do except rant and rant.
Better than gettin high or breaking something I guess for now.
But that only helps so long. It doesnt solve anything.