I'm with you on this thought. I'm also with Splendra in the answer. I've found that it's not who you are with that defines "love" but the openness that love is embraced in your life. I've spent decades believing that I was simply with the wrong person and that the type of love I deserved was "out there" but with someone else that I had just not found yet. I've finally discovered that it is not so much who you are with but what you bring to the table. That is....in a sober relationship. In active addiction, all bets are off. In active addiction relationships tend to be more hostage situations than love situations.
I've noticed a tendency for my nervous system to be set at a high idle in terms of chaos and drama. It's taken me a long time (and I'm still working on that) to let go of drama and chaos to be what it takes to feel an emotion. I'm working hard to reset my new normal. When things change and the constant conflict of addiction (or whatever) subsides then it can almost feel boring. I can get anxious waiting for the other shoe to fall and then I'll subconsciously find an "issue", bring it to the table, cause conflict, and then get my fix for chaos.
How long am I going to spend starting over? I'm in the process of still figuring this all out so I know that I don't have any answers. But.....I do believe that Splendra is right....walk out into the world to meet that love. I just have to remember that love probably isn't the idea that I've made up in my head and that walking out doesn't mean out of a relationship nessisarily.