Another nightowl here, to send you a hug and to tell you I do know what you mean.....
I notice you didn't have any "solitary" time between the pink-haired first H and the recovering (mostly) second H. When you describe second AH as someone who was protective of you, good to your son, and a shelter in the storm you were living, I thought, "Well, of course she would love him. He is doing loving things and is a lovable man."
But wrapping up with someone because we feel small and alone doesn't always give us an authentic intimate passionate love, does it?
I was with someone for 15 years and he was my best friend and we almost never argued and life wasn't so scary, knowing I had him to live it with.
But I knew he wasn't the one. I thought feelings of kindness and companionship and concern would be enough. I was ready to settle for that for a lifetime, because it at least was not painful.
We ended, though, because behind closed doors, he was becoming an alcoholic and I hadn't any idea. It changed him. And we let go of each other, friends no more.
Then I met the love of my life. And I realized I had buried so much of my true passionate profound womanhood during the 15 years I had been living life with my former "best friend."
I felt the difference and it stunned me.
I don't have any advice for you, truth, just wanted you to know that I hear you and understand. I hope you find your answers.
The love of my life is gone now. Relapse. But I did experience the woman I can be with a man, and hope to find again.
All the very best to you.