You know whats sick?
Sitting here and being in alot of pain having over 20 staples in my stomach.
Relapsing so carelessly last week.
Knowing I need every penny I get because I am out of work for a few weeks. And sitting here dreaming and giving thought to getting high.
I am that sick.
I would take my handicapped ass in ym no brakes van and drive 30 mins to get drugs right now.
But I am not gonna do it.
I am not going to say I dont want to completely. But I dont and I do.
I have been vividly dreaming about it since the last 2 nights in the hospital.
Addiction is very sick and twisted.
I am sorry I am feisty. I noticed that. I am not trying to be. ANd I apologize if I sound arrogant. I am not tryng to be that either.
You guys know I appreciate every one of you and am always open to listen and try most anything you guys suggest.
i Dont want to get into the whole 12 step meetings thing. I havent completedthem. I have started down the path several times. And my reasons are no different than alot of ohters. I am not goin to make this a segregated program debate. I just want to stay close to you guys right now. Because I really need it tonight.
Maybe I should not post when I am foggy headed like I was earlier.
Surgery..meds..and lack of sleep lately.
I am sry to you guys.