winnie12

I held back on posting to you for a while but now gotta spill out a long message as you are similar to I was when i was younger.

Darlin the trick here is not to keep addics or alcoholics from being attracted to you its for you to stop getting into relationships with them! I went through counseling a few years ago - full of self-pity and the victim mentality I asked my counselor why these men are always attracted to me and he said "no the question is why are YOU attracted to them." See, it's me not them - i have the choice of who I get into a relationship with. If someone with an addiction problem (or any other out of control situations) asks you out - you say no upfront and then your heart never gets into this sitaution. You are the one with the choice and so far you've been choosing broken men. Now the next question you have to deal with is why do you like broken men? For me, it was because i didnt feel good enough about myself - thought only a broken man could accept me and I felt like i had to earn their love by helping them fix their problems, I also thrived on the drama. Now that i acknowledge this and i'm fixing my own brokeness, i wont be involved with someone who has these problems - instead i want someone who has their life together (I'm not saying they have to be perfect people just not broken).

Before i would consider going out with a man i want to know they can hold a job (not for money but responsibility), i want to know how much they drink, do they do drugs, how much time they spend in bars, do they have their own place (or are they living with friends/parents - again responsibility) what their last gf was like and how long it lasted (if he dogs her too much its a bad sign),what are their goals, and do they have any spirtuality (not talking religion just are they in a spiritual place in their life). its not an inquisition just things that people should talk about "BEFORE" they get involved and while they are getting to know each other. So these are my boundaries - you have to decide your own but we can put boundaries on ourselves to keep us from making the same bad mistakes. When we go through things like this we learn lessons - if we dont learn the lesson then it will keep presenting itself until we do. Took me 20 years but i finally have learned the lesson i needed when it came to men. I hope it doesnt take you as long as it did me!!!!

So think about upgrading your standards on the men you date - accept your role in the game and get to know yourself a little better - find out why you make the choices you do so that you dont make them again. You sound like someone with a lot of love to give so save that love for someone who is deserving of you and is going to make your life better not someone who is going to bring you down.