RZ..As crazy as it sounds. I thought that was the easy way too. I have tried just focusing on the addiction. I was either let down. Let myself down. Or just something mostly on my part didnt go well/.
I have to look at why I get high. And like I said. I never really get high for any bad reasons. I am just usually bored and antsy. Get nosey and curious. Nothing more.
So thats where all that changing ym life stuff would come in handy.
SO If I can stop and stay stopped for awhile. Which I knowI can. Then I need something to fill my time. Something for me to ccomplish. And meetings arent my idea of that. Sry guys. I have tried em several timesa nd they are not my thing.
I am thinking like I said...Getting back into my art and stuff.
May not be the most conventional way to everyone. Alot of you are saying this girl is stupid whjen will she ever get it. But you know what?
Thats all goos. Everyone has their opinions and I apprecate them all.
I do not want to be forced into anything. Especially recovery. If I am not feelin meetings. Then why go?
I am a very firm believer that everyone does have their own ways. And that it is possible to do more ways than a couple.
I have seen it done so many times. I am seeing done right here everyday.
I will not give up and not quit trying new things.
I have been down the whole 12 step path so many times. It depresses me and hasnt provwn to be much help for me.
I know it has helped countless people. I wish it were easy for me to just go to meetings and stuff. I would love it. But if its not my thing. What can I do?
I am just goin to keep trying any and everything else I cna think of.
I dont think I am an excuse maker either. If I am please tell me. I am the first to admit when I am being lazy or not doin my part. One thing I can say I stay true to is myself. For the most part.
I have had my momnets. But I think I am pretty honest with eeverything and always liek to ear the truth too.
iI dont claim to know it all. I know nothing., But I will never know anything if I dont try new things either.
All things are worth a shot at leasst once.
I am so grateful for all of you. Not only for your understanding. But for the ones who really get me. And know me inside and out.
I am not unique by any means. But I am my own PIA and stubborn type of person to deal with alot of times.
I know it takes alot of patience for someone like me. I know who is there and who isnt. Who can hang amd who cant.
Its all good either way.
I know we are all here for the same thing. And that when that time comes. The true colors wll shine bright.
I love all of you.