Hi Calynn, I don't know which website foretold gloom and doom for newcomers, but that's not been my experience. You and Sweets seem to have a lot in common, and you both ought to start going to real AA meetings. Try a women's meeting first if you're nervous. And there's never a requirement for you to speak in front of the group, perhaps other than to introduce yourself if you want. Go to some meetings, listen to what others have to say. You'll be suprised at how often you hear parts of your own story. And as you meet people, you'll be amazed at the care and support you'll receive. AA saved my life. It can sace yours, too. Just give it a chance. And if perhaps you don't like a particular meeting or group, go somewhere else. You'll eventually find a place you're comfortable with.