CALYNN

Hey, anyone have much experience/success with these? I "attended" two meetings yesterday as I'm new to this and wanted to see what it was "all about". I have to say I am definitely NOT impressed at this point.

The first meeting I just "observed", which was fine. Didn't share anything. Before the meeting started, a big welcome to all the newcomers. After the meeting (during the chat session), I asked a couple questions - what are FTF meetings like, do you HAVE to share or can you just observe and how do you go about getting a sponsor. I was told FTF meetings are just like online meetings (you don't have to share if you don't want to) and no answer about how to get a sponsor. I was hoping for a bit more information, but okay. Then, I was told since I'm a newbie it wasn't a good time for me to be there. Basically, because all the old timers were having fun chatting it up w/eachother and didn't want to be bothered with me. Told me to come back Monday for the newcomer meeting. What???!!! Not exactly the support I was expecting. Is this what I can expect at a FTF meeting? Why bother then?

Just for spite, I attended a 2nd meeting. Again, I just "observed". During the meeting I got a request for a private chat (what's that?), so I agreed. Long story (chat) short, it ended up being really disturbing. Started out fine and ended up with the person (said she was a she, but who knows) doing a lot of talking about "off topic" stuff like how much "she" likes young girls and have I ever tried "doing one", blah blah blah.

I know it's anonymous and it's the internet, so pretty much anything goes, but argh, I was really hoping for a better experience.

Anyway, I'm really trying hard to find reasons to go to FTF meetings because I don't like group situations.

Sorry, this turned out to be more of a vent than a question...

Ananda

well... I attend some on line meetings here ... not all are specifically AA.

I guess the thing with private chat is untill you knw people you might just not want to..sounds like you ahve an option to accept or not.

My face to face meetings don't segregate the newcomers...the expereinces you had seem odd to me, but others here do more on-line meetings so i'm sure they can tell yu more

Glad to see you here

TTOSBT

Just for the record, I have NEVER had ANYTHING similar happen to me in a F2F meeting.
I am sorry this was your experience but please do not let it keep you from going to the real thing.

Anna

I hope you continue to seek support.

I find SR is a great source of support for me.

When I first came here, I 'met' three women who had the peace and serenity that I was longing for. I stuck close to them and learned as much as I could.

laurie6781

I only use an 'on line meeting' when my 'health issues' prevent me from attending a F2F meeting.

F2F meetings are really nothing like on line meetings at all I M H O. I have been in AA a very long time now.

Even in early recovery, I found the F2F meetings a SAFE HAVEN to run to. No, you do not have to share, you are free to sit and listen. If however, you at least introduce yourself and say you are new, you will be amazed at how many will come up to you after a meeting to welcome you and talk with you and answer your questions.

There is a great pamphlet on the literature rack at most meetings about Sponsorship and getting a sponsor (it is free). Might be a good idea to pick one up and read it when you get to a F2F meeting.

I understand that even thinking about going to a F2F meeting can be very scary. All strange faces, knowing no one, etc. But please try. I think you will be pleasnatly surprised. Not only did my meetings become my SAFE place, it was there I found HOPE. I would look at these folks in these meetings and I started to see that when they smiled the smile went all the way to their eyes. When they laughed, or cried, it was REAL, I could hear it came from the very soul of their being. These people, were LIVING LIFE on LIFE'S TERMS and doing it sober, WOW. There was HOPE.

So please, give F2F meetings a good try. I am sorry you had the experiences you with the on line meetings, but as I said I M H O they are nothing like a F2F meeting.

As a side note, I got sober in Southern California in the San Fernando Valley, however, in my years living there got to attend many meetings all over the state. There are some REALLY GREAT meetings in California!!!!!

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

ClaretandBlue

Online meetings (in my opinion) are a poor reproduction of the real thing. I understand some people use them to work up to the 'real thing' but honestly I just can't see an online meeting ever coming close to having the impact of the real meetings.

For many people who've grown up in the 'pc-era' it may seem natural to do a meeting online, but the thing about addiction is that it will make your brain use any excuse to not get sober. I think the complete anonymity provided by online meetings work hand in hand with those excuses. Online meetings remove any sense of accountability to yourself and to the group you might feel had you gone in person.

Don't get me wrong, turn for help wherever you can find it, but for me the only time I would ever consider an online meeting would be if I absolutely could not find a way to attend a real one.

Sorry if that sounded a bit negative, and I hope your future experience with AA (online or in person) are much better.

CALYNN

Thanks Anna - I am definitely going to keep looking for support systems. I think this website is great - I've spent hours reading posts. I guess that's what has me frustrated - most everyone seems to rely on AA a lot and I was hoping for a better 1st experience with it.

CALYNN

That's my problem - I'm just not good at all in groups (never have been). I'm sure FTF meetings offer a lot more than online meetings, but my anxiety/fear of groups (especially speaking in front of one!) made me want to start there. I once had to speak in front of a group (for work) and I literally almost passed out - just the thought of it scares the heck out of me. The only way I can attend social functions with a group of people has been to have a "few" first. That would kinda defeat the purpose in this situation. ;-)

CALYNN

Thanks CandB. I get the accountability thing. I was surprised that someone started out the online meeting with something like "Welcome everyone, even if you're drunk". I wouldn't even think of logging on if I was drinking.

Sweets79

Hey Calynn,

I'm not big on speaking in groups myself, but I can if I need too...Although sometimes I find my nerves do take over...and yeah, I used to have a "few" first also in most social situations, now I can't either, so it's really tough...I went to one online meeting on here once...I am looking into going to an all female AA meeting in my area soon, just because I've been to a few others and there were some creepy dudes there...maybe you'd feel more comfy at one of those. Just a suggestion.

CALYNN

Thanks Sweets - I've heard about the "creepy dudes" too - a lot just going because the court made them. I DID NOT know there were all female groups - thanks for the heads-up on that!

CALYNN

Also, as a side note, I've been trying to stay home as much as possible. My willpower comes and goes right now. If I stay home, I don't have access to any alcohol. If I go out, there's a bigger temptation to drink. I'm not sure how to get past that right now. My fear is that I'll start driving to a meeting, pass 20+ places to buy my wine (cave), and never make it there...

Sweets79

I know what you mean Calynn...How much sober time do you have? I have a little over a month. I was home alot the first week, and had a series of freakin events go on...Car accident, caught a cold, was prescribed an anti-depressent that I had a severe reaction too. I started an Intensive Outpatient Program and got a stalker lol...so now I am looking to switch groups...I don't know what the hell I'm doing, so confused. I've been home alot the past few days aswell, not sure what to do with myself...I don't have much motivation for anything. Like I said though, I am going to try the all women's AA meeting. Where I attended group therapy they had some AA meetings in there, and yes alot of creepy guys, and alot that have to be there...One guy scared the sh*t out of me...He was sitting next to me..his palms were sweating PROFUSELY and he was shaking and preaching about this and that. I hauled ass to the other side of the room as soon as I could lol.

Dime

Hi and Welcome!
Having done face to face meetings for over a year before discovering Sober Recovery I can tell you that their is no substitute for face to face meetings. Almost all of us were uncomfortable when we first went in but with a little time became comfortable. I now have a whole new set of sober recovery friends that are very much a part of my life now. There are women only closed meetings all over and there are also a lot of young people attending all meetings.

This is a very powerful disease. Use every resource available.

CALYNN

Congrats on your month+! That's just it, I don't have any sober time yet - it's one or two days sober and then I cave. I did the do-it-yourself-detox by weaning myself off for a few days (BTW - I know it's not recommended!). That part went well. It's the "after" that's the problem. When I do "cave", I don't completely screw up & drink myself into oblivion though for some reason. I just got some AA & AD meds. I know what you mean about not knowing what you're doing. I'm totally lacking motivation too - have that "stuck" feeling. Hoping the meds will help with that. Your "scary story" made me laugh, but the thought of that actually happening scares the crap out of me! Out of 100 people, I would be the one that attracted the weirdo - never fails. Sorry you had a bad reaction to the AD. I haven't started taking mine yet because I'm worried about that same thing. Which one did you take? I got Zoloft.

Sweets79

Thanks Haha yeah they all find me too, and actually it is kinda funny...Well I tried several anti-depressants in the past, all had bad effects on me, but I know alot of people who are on them with no problem. As a matter of fact I just made a post about this in the Mental Health Forum, take a look, if you'd like. I was prescribed Prozac a couple of weeks ago...I swore I wouldn't take an AD again, but I needed something for the depression and anxiety which hit me like a ton of bricks after stopping drinking. It did a number on me. It made my anxiety worse, and my mind wouldn't shut off, plus I had horrible nausea and leg tremors for days, it just wouldn't cease. Thankfully, now I am starting to feel better...That's just me though, you will probably be fine. Zoloft is one of the AD's I haven't tried, so I don't have any experience with that, sorry...The only other time I was sober this long was about 2 years ago, when I was coming off 2 other AD's and I wouldn't drink because I was scared I would feel even worse. It's really hard, I'm trying, but it's a struggle.

CALYNN

Glad you're finally starting to feel better. I was pretty lucky - I didn't have really terrible symptoms, except for the anxiety & depression got worse. Both of which are what starting me drinking in the first place. I have taken Zoloft before - about 5 years ago, and I did okay with it. I even used to take it while I was drinking. I guess I'm worried about taking it this time because of the 5 more years of damage I've done to my body. I guess I just need to do it and find out. Like I said, I'm in "stuck mode" so I'm having a hard time making decisions. Did the Prozac take a while to start working? I was told at least a week for the Zoloft. Yep, everything seems hard right now - a lot harder than pouring a glass of wine does. I feel like such a wuss for saying that, but that's how I feel.

Keep trying and best of luck to you! I'm going to go check out your MH post.

CALYNN

Oops - misread this post & just read the one in the MH forum. So, you're not taking anything at the moment. I would have preferred to go the "natural med" route too, but unfortunately I never found any that worked. I've tried all kinds of other things that didn't work either - counseling, affirmations, hypnotherapy, self-help books, etc. Wish I had something better to tell ya...

CALYNN

I just found this on another website...

"Practically nobody looks forward to going to their first AA meeting. In most cases this in fact is an occasion of extreme shame, dread and despair. The majority of individuals going to AA for the first time are doing so reluctantly, either because they have promised someone else to go or because they have been directed to attend by a judge, an employer, a therapist or an addictions treatment program. Even first timers who "go on their own" are usually in an intensely ambivalent and negative state. Nobody wishes to require the help that is provided by AA, and as a result virtually everyone attending their first meeting wishes that they were someplace else doing something else."

laurie6781

I would like to suggest that you look up AA in the phone book and call the number. To the person who answers or calls you back, tell them what you said here, and that you would like some "ladies" to do a '12 step call on you and take you to a woman's meeting'. Yes, this is still done. That way, you would not have the opportunity to stop and get alcohol, and you would not be walking into the meeting alone.

Also, please remember, you do NOT have to stand up in front of a bunch of people and speak. If you can manage it, when and if asked you can say "hi my name is (first name) and I am new and I NEED HELP. I pass". You will have support there (the ladies that brought you) and you can just sit and listen.

After the meeting, while listening and possibly talking with a member or two you can ask for some phone numbers, if the meeting does not have a phone list (many do now). Then the trick becomes to USE those numbers. CALL when you need a ride, etc.

You will be amazed at how quick your attitude and fears about F2F meetings will change.

J M H O

Love and hugs,