Action does speak much louder than words. Watch the actions.
There are days when I wake up and immediately I go into full-blown suspicious mode and can easily convince myself and anybody else who will listen that either my AH has relapsed or getting ready to relapse. I (me) make myself crazy. AH is fine. AH is doing what he's supposed to be doing and doing it right and living his happy recovered life while I'm still flopping around trying to put two and two together.
About 2 weeks ago, a friend who I ran to in my "crisis" told me to envision myself carrying my husband in my arms like a child (ha, ha - he's 6'4" & 300 lbs) and laying him at the alter, at God's feet.
I have done it and it's been the most liberating thing I've ever done. When I start feeling that itch to go verbally fishing with my husband, question everything, check his phone log - whatever, I stop and envision the scenerio where I walk up and lay him at Christ's feet and walk away. I've finally figured out that I can't help him but I know who can and in the meantime.....I'm going to let God take care of me instead of resisting it and I'm going to step out of the way and let Him deal with my husband. I think he has tried but I jumped in the middle and I'm sure, thwarted some plans.
Bottom line is....the past two weeks have been the best I've had in over 2 years and over the weekend, AH even told me that not only did he really enjoy the weekend, he enjoyed the week leading up to the weekend. He said I didn't nag him or ride him all week. I barely noticed. I was concentrating on me, my job, my program and the children.